I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
