i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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