69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
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