i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
