is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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