shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize