i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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