he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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