so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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