I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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