I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
