It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
