Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My hand turned me down
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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