i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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