I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
