my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
