Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
