Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
