I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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