The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
foreskin is a definite game changer
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
