Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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