Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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