Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
