when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
