I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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