I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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