....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
