if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
