Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize