It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
