That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize