She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
