we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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