fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
