We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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