I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
