i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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