pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
