I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
