I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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