All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Your mouth is God's brothel.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My bed smells like the plague
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
