Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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