Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
