As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i now understand why vodka
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
