Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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