He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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