She is in my trunk
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
