I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize