u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize