We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
