I'm really into asian looking animals
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
