PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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