Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
