The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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