why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
