Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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