I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize