Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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