I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
