Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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