Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
