The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize