Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
