Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
