At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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