Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
