bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
