Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The uberlube is also flammable
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
