Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
