Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
