Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
