roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
