Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
