That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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