When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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