We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
