omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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