It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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