I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize