so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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