they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The adults are the big ones right?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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