Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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