whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
