Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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