New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize