pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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