So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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