Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
