Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
