Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
