Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
