I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it's great music for shaving your balls
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
