its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
