im holly from the hills drunk
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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